This week we will find out who the beefiest member of the TCGS family is during an event that I want to resemble softcore gay pornography as closely as possible. I can not wait for the BEEF OFF to commence.
This all came about completely organically. A few weeks back, we got a call pertaining to our own Jersey Dave, from a young man claiming Dave is the beefiest person pictured during TCGS broadcasts. It turned out this was some Jersey mook friend of Dave’s messing with him, but it lead to a spontaneous on-air discussion – who in fact IS the beefiest member of the TCGS crew?
There are some real men’s men who are a part of this production. I don’t include myself in that number. I have a sort of geek chic/nebishy charm, but I am certainly not BEEFY. The contestants who wound up standing alongside Jersey Dave that fateful Wednesday night were Andrew “HOG DOG” Parrish, “THE WORLD’S GREATEST DANCER” Rob Malone, and Ken “THE GUY WHO PLAYS VINEGAR AL” Beck. Four formidable specimens of masculinity graced our stage, and we decided on the spot to host an event called the BEEF OFF where these four warriors of manhood could compete to find out who will be the beefiest man standing.
In the time since the contest was established, our own Jesse VandenBergh has also stepped up to the plate, proclaiming himself “Beef Jerky”, the representative of all the 120 pound, smooth bodied fresh-faced twinky types out there. He’s on a quest to show that beefiness is a state of mind, not a state of body, and has become the underdog champion of the #BeefOff before it’s even begun.
You can view many videos of these men talking shit to each other in bizarre fashion at www.youtube.com/chrisgeth
On Wednesday night, these guys will go through a series of challenges. We aren’t telling them what the challenges are. But I promise you – they WILL be homo-erotic. We here at TCGS are by and large very liberal New Yorkers. Many of us come out of a theater long located right in the middle of New York’s most vibrant gay neighborhood. When building the #BeefOff, I decided that we would charge this one up with a distinct level of homoerotic content made not to mock, but to embrace our very proud status as an all-inclusive and queer friendly show. This shit is going to be sweaty, charged up, manly competition – and I promise you, it will be BEEFY.
On top of all that ACTION, we are happy to welcome the music of MOISTURE to our stage. These guys bring a real dedication to rock and roll, a real dedication to pageantry, a real dedication to throwing down to our studio, and I couldn’t be more excited. Just last night I ran into some of the members of this band while out and about, and they excitedly told me that they’d all recently gotten their nails done in preparation. This bodes well for the potential that our crowd links up with their sensibility in a potentially world dominating fashion.