Holy shit. What a weird week I’ve been having. The fucking Human Fish got kidnapped by aliens. It’s been a real fucking headache.
Basically, here’s the backstory: After I was on Conan to promote #TCGS, we started getting new fans from all over the world. Sweden, Australia, South America, Dubai, China, we get emails from all over Earth. It’s pretty cool.
But we started getting emails from BEYOND Earth as well, namely from this planet called Duharys that is apparently “beyond the seventh sun.” I never quite knew what that meant, but I was always really grateful that this alien race were such big supporters of our show.
APPARENTLY, in the time they’ve been watching the show, this Duharyn race has come to worship The Human Fish as a god. And they recently sent one of their own to earth. He managed to brainwash future Olympic gold medalist Connor Ratliff, the Beast Masturbator, and The 40 Year Old Goosey, who helped him kidnap The Human Fish. They’re all currently on a Duharyn space vessel traveling back to Duharys. That poor little guy must be so scared up there.
I’ve been researching the ways of the Duharyn people, and apparently we can win back The Human Fish and our three other friends if we face off with them in a challenge. Duharyn law dictates that if we win the challenge our friends will be returned to us.
And apparently, all Duharyn challenges are staged through the obscure board game SPACE CADETS: DICE DUEL.
Well luckily, I happen to be old pals with Rich Sommer, a fantastically talented actor who’s in town appearing in The Unavoidable Disappearance of Tom Durnin. You also probably know Rich through his work as Harry Crane on AMC’s Mad Men.
Not only is Rich a great guy, I happen to know he is a FANATIC for weird board gams. Rich gave me a pirated copy of my first ever screenwriting software and when I picked it up at his house, he was playing weird board games. I later once spent a night in LA with him playing a bizarre German card game where the point is to farm beans. I knew that if there was one guy who knew about this weird board game, it would be Rich.
Luckily, Rich told me that SPACE CADETS: DICE DUEL is the game he’s most currently into. And he’s willing to take a break from his busy schedule to meet us at MNN studios, so we can beam into space and he can lead me, Shannon, and Murf in a mission to take down the Duharyn aliens and win back our friend The Human Fish, while freeing The Beast Masturbator, Connor Ratliff, and Goosey from Duharyn mind control.
ON TOP OF ALL THAT IDIOCY – Night Birds are back! One of our all time classic musical guests are returning! TCGS fans remember that the last time Night Birds were in studio, they brought dozens of Jersey punks who were acting rowdy, got scolded by Shannon, leading to a tense stretch of show where a gang of punks was heckling Shannon and she was heckling them right back! What’s gonna happen this time?
See you guys there on Wednesday! It’s gonna be a crazy one!